PROVIDING QUALITY RESIDENTIAL TIME FOR YOUR CHILD

The actual time at each residence is much less important that the quality of time with each parent. Decades of research on divorce support this claim. So go for the quality not the quantity.

What makes a successful residential time arrangement?

It depends on your family dynamics and how each of you interacts with each other and with your child. Another big consideration is the needs and desires of your child. Remember, one residential plan may work well for on family, but not suit your family at all. To make whatever time you have eth most valuable to you and your child, consider the following:
• Make a special place in your home for your child. If you don’t have a spare bedroom, make a special place for your child’s bed and belongings. Provide a place in the closet for her clothes and a drawer or toy box for toys. Providing a special place helps your child conceive of your home as her home too.
• Decide about household rules such as bedtime, chores and behavior. Even if these rules are different in both homes, it is still important to have them.
• Have some special things for your child to do at your home. Buys some toys, art supplies and games that you can do together. Garage sales and second hand stores are places where you can often find inexpensive equipment. If you purchase a special toy, a DVD or a piece of sports equipment that your child has been wanting, don’t insist that it is kept at your house. This could cause resentment.
• Have extra clothes. Some parents prefer to keep clothes at their house so clothing does not have to be taken back and forth.
• Try not to be a Disneyland mom or dad. Have some down time with your child. Help with homework or assign chores. Just hang out together and invite your Childs friends over.
• Don’t interfere with your Childs regular scheduled activities.
• If you are panning an activity that will require special clothing or equipment such as camping, let the other parent know ahead of time so that the proper things can be sent with the child.
• If there is more than one child, plan for alone time with each child. Your child will look forward to this special time with you.
• Make your time with your child a priority. Don’t cancel or be late unless it is absolutely unavoidable.
• Do not send messages to the other parent of child support checks with your child.
• Don’t believe everything you hare from your child. Check it out with the other parent.
• Do not speak ill of the other parent or relatives and friends.
• Do not second guess the other parent regarding discipline, rewards or anything else. If you have concerns, discuss them with the other parent before siding with your child.
• Send and return a clean, well rested and fed child.
• Be courteous. Do not honk your horn for your child to come out of the house. Walk to the other parent’s door, but do not go inside unless invited. Have your child ready to go and smile.
• Do not call your child three and four times a day when she is with the other parent. This makes it hard on the child.
• Don’t ask your child to be a spy. Do not interrogate your child upon return to your care.
• If your child or the other parent is sick or there is an emergency, be flexible and accommodating.

REMEMBER, COOPERATIVE PARENTING MAKES FOR A HAPPY CHILD. IN THE LONG RUN, IT WILL MAKE CO-PARENTING EASIER ON BOTH PARENTS AND THE CHILD.